Did you ever love? Did you ever find yourself at a crossroads in a relationship where you know the road less travelled isn't the path you are going to take? Have you ever needed closure from someone or something that was taken too soon for you personally?
I am not a writer, but the process of writing has always had a very cathartic effect for me. For someone who has a 'busy brain' and often has a hard time putting words into action while speaking can take her time and really organize everything how she needs to in order to get a thought across.
This letter was written for someone very significant to me and while some may know the circumstances for writing it - many do not. It isn't my place to speak more about it when it was from or any other personal details because they are not necessary. It is a letter that could be written by you to whomever it applied to and will strike a chord with just about any of my #gorgeouschaosboudoir customers. We have all loved, and we have all lost at one point or another, and however you find a way to make your soul feel at peace is what is essential.
From the moment we met, I knew you were different. You had a certain je ne sais quoi that scared me but made me want to know more. You insulted me and offended me and yet I was drawn to you. I can't explain why - except that you were like no one else I had ever met. Bold, arrogant and brazen would be the best words to describe you. You clearly didn't give a fuck what others thought of you and in a world where too many people do care - it was refreshing - and your apologies for offending me made me smile - even though I did my best to make you think I was really pissed off at you.
You did everything right for me to fall in love with you - which is a tall order for a complex woman with the high standards she sets for herself and her life. You cared for me, you doted on me and never for one minute did I ever think it wasn't genuine. You smiled, and it gave me butterflies - you laughed, and it warmed my very bruised heart. We went on adventures and truly savoured every second of time that we could spend with each other - moments that I will always treasure and never forget. Moments that laid the foundation for what I thought would be more than what life had in store, unfortunately.
To be honest, I am mad. I feel betrayed and shattered but also in a very surprising way, relieved.
For everything we went through, for everything that was sacrificed to be together - because of love - it ended anyway. You are an easy person to love, but a hard person for me to be with - and I feel that worked both ways. You have your demons that only you can release and the road map to doing so is part of your own personal journey. You have an immense capacity to love and a drive to make anything happen in your life that you want to have happen. It was part of what makes up your character and part of what made you so attractive to me. Your focus, your commitment and your greed (not in a negative way) are the perfect combination to success, and I hope that you exploit all of those skills to the max to achieve what you so dearly desire in life.
What I will take away from Us is that love isn't always enough. As a hopeless romantic, the notion that a couple can get through anything when the love is as pure and honest as ours was intoxicated me. I believed that we were golden, but deep down, I knew that time was the best I could hope for with you. For an optimist like myself, I pushed past the fundamental problems and sacrificed a lot of my own standards, expectations and limits just to prove to myself that it would work. I threw myself willingly over and over into a constant whirlwind, trying to find a way to cope when in hindsight, I should have just accepted that fate would have other plans for us. I was raised never to quit, though, and It was not an option for me to ever stop trying.
I will never stop loving you - ever. I told you more than once I felt you were my soulmate, and that connection with you will never end. How could it? Right people, wrong time - right? You opened my eyes to a world I never expected, and for that, I am incredibly grateful. You showed me that pure love was possible and that I was worthy of it. You also taught me, indirectly, the parts of myself that I need to protect and reminded me of my own personal boundaries that I am responsible for growing so I can continue to evolve into the woman that I have yet to become. You challenged me in ways no one ever has - and I know I did the same for you.
For all the tears and heartache I put into Us, you will never be looked at with regret. Just like some couples start off as friends and turn into more - perhaps Us starting off as a couple will pave the way for an unbreakable friendship that will fulfill us both more than a romantic relationship ever could. I know you will always love me, and I know that you will remember Us as something you never expected, but found a way to achieve (you know - with that drive and focus you have). I am a keen believer in the idea that "its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" but know that while I am writing to gain closure on a romance that was never meant to be, I have gained a best friend, a confidant and lived an experience that to me is priceless.
Forever your Suzanne.